Chapter 5

Sorry folks for the long wait, but it’s been busy as hell up here. Actually that’s a misnomer – Hell’s really chilled out right now. You see people are dying right, left and centre and their claim is that since they have had a chaotic life, they deserve a peaceful afterlife. I can’t very well refuse, you know. It’s in the policy Get born + lead a sad life without complaint – get a great afterlife free! (I sent my lawyer to hell for agreeing to that deal) Anyway, so that’s what’s kept me busy. I asked Lucifer to lend me a politician or two (their presence is enough to dissuade mortals from entering the golden gates of heaven) but he flatly refused. He says Hell’s never been better. The elements of torture conjured up by these delightful men and women are well beyond even his imagination. What's more they have made a profit for the netherwords by making hell a great tourist destination. Since the image of mortals in a state of perpetual angst make fabulous human interest stories, the journalist are having a field day – but no-one wants to stay beyond closing hours, so its chilled out at night. So there’s Lucifer shining under the halo of “creating the best tourist detination” and ejoying a leisurely night out with the rich and elite crowd of mortals. And here I am burdened with complaints of overpopulation, lack of amenities et al. God Help me! Hold on, that’s me. Damn!